or maybe Santa is just screwing with my head

My siblings and I are all adults now, but anyone home Christmas morning still gets a stocking and Santa gifts. That’s hardly anyone some years, but them’s the rules. We’ve adopted the practice of one of our in-laws in that we prep stockings for the parents, too, and sneak them downstairs when they’re otherwise occupied. So this year, mulling over possible Santa presents, I came across a garden kneeler. Both parents are enthusiastic gardeners and my mom has a bit of a trick knee these days, so it seemed to be a good option. I meant to order it all month, and December completely got away from me. By the last week, I knew it wouldn’t arrive in DC in time for me to take it with me when we drove south. So I thought I’d have it shipped there.

But then I forgot to follow through on that, too. (We bought our Christmas presents for the siblings on the drive, so that’s pretty much par for the course for Other Half and me.)

We did some other things instead. There’s Mother’s Day coming up, maybe I’ll get it together by then. And then a week or so later, back in DC, I get a text from my mom, thanking me for the garden kneeler.

I don’t answer the text immediately, even though I see it, because, frankly, I’m freaking out a bit. There are two options, as far as I can tell: either I ordered it anyway right before the holiday, and have blacked it out of my memory….or I can now control Amazon….with my mind.

I am genuinely not sure which one terrifies me more. Am I getting some kind of dementia? I check my bank account. No sign of payment. I check my email. No confirmation of order or shipment. Am I just that good? Can I now just think, oh, I need one of those things for that thing, and it will show up in my mailbox?

There’s a third option, apparently. My sister in law remembers that my sister Katie and her boyfriend gave his mom a garden kneeler. Maybe they ordered one for our mom too. Maybe we’re merely telepathic. So I text her, and she says, yeah, I sent one, it’s just a bit late. I’m a little disappointed. Not to not have dementia, that was terrifying, but not to be able to psychically order off the internet, which would be so useful for people with my short attention span. Oh, well. The upside is that maybe my sister will just start ordering things for me, but with her credit card. Also super useful.

And by the way, I totally took credit for the idea in the meantime to my mom. In case you’re reading this: I had the intention first, ok?




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