also…i might be ambivalent about the little prince

So I watched the Golden Globes this week. In addition to the entertainment factor of Ricky Gervais’ snarky hosting – I particularly like that he starts drinking onstage near the end – it gives me a list of films with some of the “best performances of the year”, with time to see them before the Oscars. Since the studios now like to release the movies they think will be nominated near the end of the year to capitalize on awards show buzz, you find them in the theatre all at the same time. In some ways that annoys me; it would be easier for us the audience if they were spread out. On the other hand, how would we know they were good unless the awards show told us so? (At least, that’s how it feels sometimes. But I still hate The Ice Storm. No one will ever convince me that is a brilliant film.)

I loved The Descendants; I hear great things about The Artist; I’m psyched to see Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady; if I can get over my Keira Knightley ennui I might see A Dangerous Method. I’ll tell you what I’m not going to see, and that’s War Horse. I would never have admitted when I was 13 for fear they would revoke my Girl License, but the fact is: I’m just not that into horses.

I realize this is a horrible thing to say. Who doesn’t like horses? And it’s not that I don’t like them, exactly. I just don’t get the whole mystical connection we allegedly have, man and horse. I don’t feel a spiritual connection with a horse, I don’t think they are looking at me with intelligence and feeling, I don’t get tearful in movies about horses and how brave and noble they are. I don’t get it.

Specifically, here’s mostly what I don’t get: why are they so hysterical all the time? What is that about? Any book or movie involving horses has that scene when the horse gets “spooked” (they always use the word “spooked”, not “startled” or “temporarily and inexplicably frightened by small noise”) and throws the rider or scatters the cattle running off. You know it’s true. It’s not even something major and completely reasonable, like a cannon (horses are apparently fearless and warrior like and have that stiff upper lip thing going on in wartime and other real crises, as far as I can tell from the movies, which is an admirable trait they should totally put on their resume and then start applying to their everyday life); they are always getting freaked by stupid things, like a raccoon stepping on a twig.

Now, if a regular animal, or a person, heard a raccoon step on a twig, they would be startled for a second, maybe, jump, maybe utter a “yikes!”…and then get over it. Like, almost immediately. Horses evidently feel the need to jump, screech, throw a person off their back, and then run for 5-10 minutes. Seriously, I wouldn’t run for 5 straight minutes unless a murderously hungry zombie* popped out from behind a tree and then continued to chase me for the full amount of time.

[*Note: obviously, I am distinguishing Fast Zombies, of the 28 Days/Walking Dead variety, from Regular Zombies in this instance; the slow, staggering, muttering kind that are of no particular threat as long as you are mobile. My sister Katie and I agree: we don’t like Fast Zombies. We have no strong feelings about Regular Zombies, unless they get in the house, which is basically my policy about ants, too.]

I went to a steeplechase a year or so ago and one of the horses got loose after the race and went galloping madly through the course with a handful of trainers chasing him down before he trampled an unwary pedestrian. I went into pretty much this same rant to my friend Lauren, including the argument that other animals – squirrels, for instance – never got this distraught.

“Squirrels?” she says. “Your example of a rational animal is squirrels?”

Okay. Rational is perhaps not the best word for squirrels. (I have a lot of words for squirrels…more on that later.) I’m saying, they get over it. Unlike stupid horses.

On the other hand, I really did like Seabiscuit. Perhaps a Netflix date?

Update: Amanda went to see War Horse and said it was super cheesy, of the slow-motion-reunion-at-sunset-Lifetime movie variety. (No offense to Lifetime movies, because I secretly love you.) Maybe not even a Netflix date. I’m officially a bad person.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Katie
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 15:51:19

    I was going to see Warhorse, well..the play…but its expensive and I certainly don’t want a slow- cheesy lifetime experience for 60 bucks.

    And I might agree with Erik, I’m not a fan of the post apocalypse lifestyle. Besides, IF zombies are going to be fast, I might just join them.

    Reply

  2. angelaperalta
    Jan 19, 2012 @ 17:29:20

    I think he makes a valid point about not even wanting to survive in a post-apocalyptic world. Just get it over with, Fast Zombies.

    Reply

  3. Jody Worsham
    Jan 22, 2012 @ 20:36:25

    I’m a Texan but definitely afraid of horses, and they know it, and can’t get over it. Just wanted to stop by and say hi. I’m going to be at EBWW 2012 as well. I hope you will stop by the “bird” table and say hi. I’m not afraid of birds. http://themedicaremom.blogspot.com

    Reply

  4. angelaperalta
    Jan 26, 2012 @ 12:43:11

    Thanks, Jody! It’s great to hear from you. I will be sure to stop by.

    Reply

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