travel day: hotel housekeeping

Over the years our family has grown to the extent that the family homestead no longer sleeps us all, so during the holidays Other Half and I stayed in a nearby hotel. It turns out one of the many, many things that Other Half and I are not good at is coming up with the right thing to say when Housekeeping knocks on the door when we’re still asleep and aren’t going to be getting up any time soon. (Can I just say, first of all: housekeeping really should not come by at 9 am. That is too early. I really don’t think I’m wrong in that.)

Bangbangbang. “Housekeeping!”
Wha-? Other Half and I look around in bleary confusion.
Bangbangbang. “Housekeeping!”
“Uh- we don’t need anything! Is it ok if you come back –“
Bangbangbang. “Housekeeping!”
(Ok, that explanation was too involved.)
“We’re okay! We might just need some towels later or –“
(Too late! Door is being unlocked, hitting deadbolt.)
“Come back later?”
(Door slams. Wheels creaking to the next room.)
“Ok, then.”
“That was successful”, Other Half grunts.
“You know what, you think of something by tomorrow, then.”
“Fine, I will.”

So by the next morning you’d think we’d have thought of something.
Bangbangbang. “Housekeeping!”
But no.
We snort awake and look at each other. What? Already?
Bangbangbang. “Housekeeping!”
“Go away!” Other Half shouts.
“Don’t say that! So rude!” I hiss at him.
Bangbangbang. “Housekeeping!”
(I guess they didn’t hear him anyway.)
(Door unlocks, smacks deadbolt.)

“No!” Other Half shouts.
“We’re okay! We’re okay!” I shout in panic.
(Door slams. Wheels creaking.)
“You can’t say ‘go away’”, I tell Other Half.
“Well, start remembering to put out that Do Not Disturb sign at night, I can’t think of anything when I’m half-asleep.”
“Fine, I will.”

So by the next morning you’d think we’d have remembered to put out the  Do Not Disturb sign.
Bangbangbang. “Housekeeping!”
But no.
We both sit up in bed.
Bangbangbang. “Housekeeping!”
“Uh…we’re busy!” Other Half calls.
(What? I stare at him in disbelief and horror. We’re busy?)
“No we’re not!” I feel compelled to add.
“Housekeeping?” (Uncertain. Crap. Now I have to get up and answer the door.)
“We’re not busy,” I assure her as I open the door. “We just sleep late! That’s all! Late sleepers, that’s us, haha!” (Can I just reiterate: it’s 9 am. We don’t have children, ok?)
She stares at me. I look down at myself to make sure my pajamas are buttoned.
“Do you need anything?”
“Towels!” I say. It’s been 3 days, it would look weird if we didn’t need towels, at this point.
“Shampoo? Soap?”
“Sure!” What the hell, ok.
“Anything else?”
“Nope! We’re good! Just sleeping late, and now we’re going to get up! We’re good! Thanks!”
(Why is she looking at me like that?)

“I think we have to have a planned response,” I tell him. “Because you are clearly not good at improvising.”
“I still don’t see what was wrong with ‘Go away’,” he says.
“No. You clearly can’t say ‘go away’! How about ‘Come back later, thanks!’ I think that sorta worked.”
“Yeah, okay.”

We have a plan.
So we’re finally prepared by the next morning!

And then, naturally, they never come by at all. And then we check out.

So I guess the next time we stay at a hotel, with housekeeping that comes by at 9 am, and we forget to put out the Do Not Disturb sign just in case, and we remember we’ve had this conversation…we’re all set.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Katie
    Jan 18, 2012 @ 15:56:25

    “We’re busy!” – ” no! we’re not”

    …I can totally see this..hilarious


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